For fighting couples —

– out there or family members, work partners, or those, who face an interpersonal transition reformatting their feelings… remember this simple Truth:

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Viktor E. Frankl said that. And he knew what he was talking about.

Criticism is always triggered by fear. Instead of getting triggered by criticism try to step back into that space and recognize the fear. Not yours. But of your partner’s.

Acknowledge it. Respect it. Address it. If you disagree with it, do it from that space. Offer constructive solutions. If you must criticize – be as kind as you can. For that you should address your fears and embrace them too. But before you do that, give your partner a hug. Do it before you disagree. Why? Because you love that person and don’t want her/him to get hurt. Love gives power to put your partner’s needs first.

In the space of the hug you can ask yourself 5 essential questions for conflict resolution:

1. Why am I/my partner is triggered by this?
2. What fear of mine/my partner’s is reacting?
3. For what possible reason?
4. What do I/my partner needs to heal in order not to be triggered in the future?
5. How can I/ my partner help?

All these questions can be answered ONLY if you are aware.

Awareness is a skill that can be trained. It gets better with time and specific situations. I find intimate relationships are the best for this. They are polygons for training our awareness.

If both would mutually follow this pattern there would be no more conflicts. But loving dialogues leading to understanding .

©️Dalia Lane
ART: Bruno Bruni out there or family members, work partners, or those, who face an interpersonal transition reformatting their feelings… remember this simple Truth:

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Viktor E. Frankl said that. And he knew what he was talking about.

Criticism is always triggered by fear. Instead of getting triggered by criticism try to step back into that space and recognize the fear. Not yours. But of your partner’s.

Acknowledge it. Respect it. Address it. If you disagree with it, do it from that space. Offer constructive solutions. If you must criticize – be as kind as you can. For that you should address your fears and embrace them too. But before you do that, give your partner a hug. Do it before you disagree. Why? Because you love that person and don’t want her/him to get hurt. Love gives power to put your partner’s needs first.

In the space of the hug you can ask yourself 5 essential questions for conflict resolution:

1. Why am I/my partner is triggered by this?
2. What fear of mine/my partner’s is reacting?
3. For what possible reason?
4. What do I/my partner needs to heal in order not to be triggered in the future?
5. How can I/ my partner help?

All these questions can be answered ONLY if you are aware.

Awareness is a skill that can be trained. It gets better with time and specific situations. I find intimate relationships are the best for this. They are polygons for training our awareness.

If both would mutually follow this pattern there would be no more conflicts. But loving dialogues leading to understanding .

©️Dalia Lane
ART: Bruno Bruni

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